I browse Gumtree ads now and again, in an ideal world I would like to feel so self righteous that I could say 'I'm glad I don't have to place online ads for female attention!' but this isn't the case.

I have come to the conclusion that any smart girl doesn't want aftershave dowsed men interrupting their Saturday night, even if you can palm them off with the faint life line of a mobile number which 9 times out of 10 results in a un-returned text message, I believe girls should at least weigh men in on the 12p surcharge for the initial text if they do not intend on any further contact.

As much as bars/clubs in England are still traditionally proletariat gathering places for the lower echelon of society, the modern day 'lad' views these public places as hunting grounds for potential mates. Even on weekend nights females seem more than content in congregating with their own type and do not feel deflated or depressed that their night out resulted in nothing more than a bad case of dessert mouth and mild head-ache.

Having said this, I still have faith in the female race. Allow me to now try and sell myself ahem.....I am 23 years of age, male, living in the now gentrified end of 'Bemmie' just off North St. I have a full time job that allows me to rent a property, feed myself daily and have enough disposable income to buy a pair of trainers each month which I obsess over for the space of 2 weeks before wishing I never brought them, this also applies to other items of apparel which fully validates the void aspects of my life. I exercise, clean my teeth and use neutral smelling deodorant, I find Lynx leaves you honking like a 13 year old bully. I read books, and watch films although I usually vet these to not include mediocre hacks like Julia Roberts or Hugh Grant. I still listen to phonographic records for a number of reasons, this gives me a soapbox of sorts when discussing what obscure music I listen to and how a 7" or LP is more of an artistic artefact than £3 jewel case CD. I enjoy looking at art, although I am not a practitioner of any form of it. I also dislike televised sport.

I can be a massively introverted person around people I have no interested in interacting with, this usually comes of in characteristic trait known as arrogance or ignorance, I can assure you I am not a rude person, that is a promise.

I like the opposite sex to have some fairly similar tastes to me, and this isn't so I can bark High Fidelity-esque questionnaires at you, but I feel it lays out essential common ground where everyone can feel comfortable. I am no oil painting myself and get a pretty good gut feeling when I'm 'punching my weight' I not attracted to one type of girl as such but I do really like unique looking girls. I dislike huge amounts of make up and fake tan.

I thank you if you have read this entire ad. And please feel free to email me a response if this has 'moved' you in anyway.

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