I occasionally browse through Gumtree for a brief spell of entertainment. Some of the ad's are hilarious; 'want someone to pee on', 'big c*ck wants…' and so on... I don't expect to find any intelligence on there (although you may have just changed that). Plus I never take life too seriously… Nobody gets out alive anyway!

I’m 24 and am very attractive (where's my trumpet!) and despite being fairly slim, I am fortunate enough not to have an eating disorder... I enjoy food too much! Not to the point where I resemble a Viking at the dinner table but in the sense that I love good food (not really one for a kebab, sorry). And whilst we're on the subject, I am a meat-eater! We didn't struggle to the top of the food chain to be vegetarians, now did we?! As the Indians so rightly say, 'vegetarian is lousy hunter'. I also would like to think that I have a good sense of humour with a high level of wit and quirkiness. What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. (Now where did I put THAT trumpet??)

I have an excellent dress sense and I would say that I conform to a certain extent, however I'm certainly not a 'sheep' – as they say only dead fish swim with the stream. I have my own sense of style, one which is sophisticated and glamorous - however I often tailor my dress code to my personality/daily (depending on my mood) and also wear sporty clothes (gym), suits (work) and jeans! Lol.

I have been blessed with the ability to string a series of sentences together, however only choose to if the person listening can understand the diverse English vocabulary, combined with the facetious jargon I freely opt to use - as and when I please. On the other hand, if my intelligence is restricted due to a persons ineptness or their similitude to not be the sharpest tool in the box, I simply baffle them with bullsh*t! …Generally in the workplace! …Or when I've consumed too much alcohol!

So what am I looking for in a guy?
I'm not looking for someone who is young at heart (over 33).
I'm not looking for a free spirit (junkie).
I'm not looking for someone who's emotionally secure (on medication).
I'm not looking for someone who is extremely open-minded or someone who wants a spiritual soul mate (stalker/desperate?).
I'm not looking for someone who is over-excited about life's journey (you have no concept of reality).
I'm not looking for someone who lies about their stat's (loser).
I'm not looking for someone who wears more gold than Mr. T (Chav).
I'm not looking for someone who is just cuddly or huggable (overweight).
I'm not looking for someone who has a number of ad's on Gumtree.
I'm not looking for someone who posts/replies to ad's, requesting photo's - pretending to be someone your not!
I AM looking for someone who is fairly attractive (oil painting or not, personality DOES count!)
I AM looking for someone who has a job (not a sponger!)
I AM looking for someone who is well-groomed (jam, cheese, B.O. is a definite NO, NO!)
I AM looking for someone who is romantic (or at least with a loving/caring side).
I AM looking for someone who likes to go out (socialising is a must!)
I AM looking for someone who is interesting/intelligent (good conversation - a must!)
I AM looking for someone who is funny/witty (I love to laugh!)
I AM looking for someone who may well NOT exist?!

Despite the above, I am not stuck up my own rear end. I simply have a unique sense of humour. Some of my views and requirements may well be somewhat extreme but there's no point in wasting peoples time. Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are usually handicapped (not in the disabled sense so PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED; just in an idiotic sort of way). I think before I speak (or write in this case) and would never intentionally offend someone. I can also invest meaning in to my actions…

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Just kidding… I wouldn't dream of doing that…

I wouldn't waste the bread.

Anyhow, i'm sure you get the picture... I love enjoying life from the simple things to the finer things... I like Formula One, Moto GP, Rugby, country walks, skydiving, travelling, all types of music, ballet, theatre, art, most films and so on... I'm an Engineering Consultant, however i'm hoping to obtain the patent rights to some of my ideas, manufacture my own cosmetic range and try property developing once i've conquered the world...

I have an opinion too. Maybe not always the most welcomed but always from the heart! (And can you believe it; i’m never wrong! I guess that’s a natural trait for a female; good debate material). I’m not always decisive. I know what I want but I don’t always know what I want to do… I’m very imaginative. I think too much.

I like fast cars… Not boy-racers (Formula One and Aston Martins). Silverstone anyone?

I don’t drink beer and thus haven’t developed such a skill as to open a bottle with my teeth/toes. I only pick my nose (with tissue) when nobody’s around (should I admit that?) and I don’t suffer with flatulence.

I get irony… A traffic jam when you're already late.

Meeting the man of my dreams… And then meeting his beautiful wife!

I love surprises. I realise that life is a comedy of errors (somewhat).

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. I am lucky to have both.

Seriously, where’s that trumpet? Oh and before I go, may I have your picture please? I've just bought a dartboard.

xx

P.S. Replies without pic's will not be responded to. And if your still reading - thank you xx

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